sadness attack

so it's late night on sunday, and i, once again, feel so utterly
utterly alone. It's such an awful feeling, that always come on my
pre-period. I know. Yell PMS attack.
I hate this guilty emotion. I can cry and feel bad without an
explanation at all. And the hard I try to be happy, the hard I fall
into desperate feeling. OMG. And seems like this approved by destiny,
everything goes wrong and my boyfriend today is the winner of careless
and unaware award of the day. Yes he does. Sorry babe, but yes, right
now you make me feel alone! Which is why i have been feeling more and
more and more solitary at least once per months or so. And you don't
know how hard I fight alone to kill this bad feelings. Although that
would result in an entirely new level of loneliness that i'm not sure
i'm ready for.
I do much busy today. I laugh out and joke with my sister, I cook and
watch movie -that make me feel more sad-. But when I check my phone,
there is no call or text from he. I don't know how you make me really
realize now he make me upset and he know everything sounds right. It
make me wondering : is he always busy when I'm on My PMS? When my mood
swing? When I need he to care and aware me just for a bit?
Then how just when I suddenly re-read text can make me start cry and
got pissed. I text you with an anger code but you didn't get it. I
don't want this mood swing made a bigger mess. This pretty mess.
Enough. I let my eyes to cry myself to sleep at least once every week
or so. No one know. Except you reads this. I'm sorry if this seems
rambly or silly, but even the act of typing it out like this is
helping a bit...and I don't think there's anything wrong with crying,
it can be very healing. I cry quite a lot these days, and I usually
feel a lot better afterwards..